It still amazes me what can happen in a year. People can walk in and out of your life, changing social circles overnight. You can try new things, gain new skills, and do things that before would have frightened you to tears. For me, a lot of what has changed this past year can be traced back to one person–a person who walked out of my life and quietly locked the door. He shook me up and helped me realize a lot of things about the world and myself. But no matter what the cause, no matter who started this tiny revolution inside me, I know now that I continue doing it because of me.
I keep pushing myself to try things I’ve always wanted to do. This past weekend I performed on stage with a band for the first time. It was always a silent dream of mine to be a musician in some capacity, but I never had the courage or motivation to do it seriously and in front of people. I was so shy and too self-conscious. When I moved abroad and essentially had to rearrange my personality to keep from drowning in the Pacific, I gained a lot of confidence. So when I met a few guys through my program who play music, I had a decent opportunity to put myself out there. The old me would have said no and hoped I was begged to sing, but over time I loosened up. We started hanging out musically around April and continued playing music and improving up until our first performance together.
Being in a band is hard work, especially for someone like me who isn’t exactly a musical genius. Going solo or doing a two-piece act is difficult too, I’m sure, but for different reasons. With a band of four, you have to think about the schedules, styles, and personality types of three other people. Everyone has their own way, but we all had to find some common ground. Maybe in a bigger city where it’s fairly easy to find driven musicians who share your tastes this isn’t a huge problem, but here in small town Japan, it can be challenging to start and keep a band. My two friends (and band mates) have had three different projects in the last year. The whole thing is and was a massive learning experience. Working with friends and being subject to criticism is uncomfortable. It’s like hearing that you snore for the first time…all the things you think you don’t do are reveled and you want to cry a bit but you also realize the benefit. Now you can get better!
I’m really looking forward to getting better and trying new things in the future. I’m 24, but I feel like there’s so much about life I’ve yet to discover, so many layers to myself I’ve yet to peel back and expose.
I am nowhere near perfect. At all. But I’m not really trying to be Beyonce or anything. I just enjoy doing this, and seeing as this blog focuses on my more creative interests, I thought I’d share! Maybe next time there will be a video. See you next time!